The real reason why you have bad sex: We all talk way too little about our true sex desires! How to change that.
Hardly anyone dares to talk openly about sex desires
Suggest something really new, maybe even a secret sex fantasy for the hours in bed? Even at the thought of it, many of us are likely to blush embarrassingly.
- But it’s also a dilemma: Newly in love, people don’t dare express erotic desires right away. Only 39 percent of German singles dare to clearly express their desires in bed on the first night. This emerges from a study of the casual dating portal Secret.de from 2017, for which 9,251 singles were surveyed.
- Unlike perhaps expected, men also deal with the topic of sex only a little more transparently than women. Thus, 53 percent of couples talk to each other about their desires during sex. 38 percent of men and 47 percent of women talk openly with girlfriends and boyfriends about their erotic desires, at least that’s what a Parship study shows.
- In a long relationship, however, we quickly settle with our partner on the lowest common denominator in matters of sex and then, after years of sexual boredom, have the feeling: If I were to express my sex desires only NOW, he’d think I’d been dissatisfied all these years.
Experimenting and talking openly about your erotic desires is the only way to have fulfilling sex.
So that you can talk about your sex desires in a more relaxed way in the future, we have compiled the best tips from experts here:
This is how you can express your sex desires in a relaxed way
1. wait for a good, intimate moment
Stress at work, soccer is on – or he’s ailing? Not a good time to talk about fantasies. “Never in the bedroom,” advises British couples therapist Tracey Cox in her guidebook, Hot Sex in Every Relationship. That would bring unnecessary frustration into the room. Better find a relaxed situation, such as cuddling on the couch, in the bathtub, or taking a leisurely walk. Then he will certainly prick up his ears and be quite attentive on the topic of “even hotter sex”.
2. communicate sex desires: Better to act instead of verbosely explaining
Actions speak the clearest. Sex expert Cox therefore recommends: “Use your body language to direct. And go a little overboard with positive reactions when you like something.” Maybe you get him then wordlessly to intensively massage your breasts or to caress your clitoris extensively with his tongue. Or, in the middle of a stormy embrace, you might direct him to the laundry room (or wherever else you’d like to have some exciting sex – how about some outdoor sex with spectators? ).
3. emphasize the positive things about sex so far
Talking about boredom in bed? No way! Emphasize your fun during sex. “I love it when we make love. But is there anything you’d like to try?” This lead-in provides a great teaser. Surely, a sexy scenario is also haunting the partner’s mind, which he would like to implement one day. And the topic of experimentation is already in the air.
4. look for inspiration from outside
There are many beautiful, exciting erotic movies – whether soft porn by Erika Lust or for a gentle start a part of the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy – watch a movie with imaginative sex scenes together and get involved if the scenes excite you!
5. test new sex toys
Sex toys – oh no, the topic is really through, you might think now. But then you should give sex toys a second chance, because the erotic market has changed a lot. There are no longer just huge, flesh-colored dildos, but many creative and innovative sex toys from modern providers like Amorelie, Lelo or Eis.de, where you can discreetly order online and browse through visually appealing stores. Fun Factory is also constantly bringing exciting new toys to the market – there are few limits to the possibilities here.